Kenyans who grow from social group to chama billionaires

The People

Looking at the Norwich Union Towers at the heart of Nairobi’s Central Business District would be difficult to believe that it owes its ownership to nothing more than a meeting of convenience between friends.  But as Development Agenda found out, the  eight storey building that stands directly opposite one of the country’s five-star hotel is among the assets of a group of close friends who later formed an investment group, initially with the aim of intensifying their social bond.

The eight-storey building is owned by the Norwich Union Properties Limited, a public company that has evolved from a 33-member chama at the All Saints’ Cathedral Church, to  a public company with over 80 members and assets worth over Sh2 billion.  According to the Norwich Union Properties Ltd General Manager Michael Maina, the group that was born from a farewell party is now worth over Sh2 billion.

“It was actually a meeting of convenience in 1995. We were holding a farewell party of Retired Bishop Peter Njenga who was leaving All Saints’ Cathedral to Mount Kenya.  This, we did successfully after which the members  realised that they did not know each other well. They then planned to get together more often. So we started as a social group,” said Maina.

The group initially met every Tuesday and members would contribute Sh10,000 per head in every meeting. Soon enough, the investments became huge and members suggested that they begin investing in the market.  “At that time, we had a real investment group set up with a chairman, and other officials. We  started with a small nucleus and once we observed progress, we invited friends and the group expanded.

Read: Chamas that make millions in Kenya

But the members of the original nucleus would vet the people who wanted to join.  If any of the original members had an issue against a new entrant, especially regarding integrity, the new member’s application to join the group would be nullified,” explained the general manager.   By 1996, the group’s investments had grown significantly as the members, upon regular consultations within the group, would use the investments to buy and sell treasury bills and treasury bonds.

“We then thought of formalising our loose relationship by forming a company. Our first company was formed in 1996 and it was called Critical Mass Group Limited (CMG) Limited,” he said. But as Maina explained, the group did not  stop there.  They took advantage of every opportunity that knocked at their door. For instance in 1997, those  importing cars were few and they lurched on to this idea to make money.

“There was an order from an NGO that wanted some cars and one of our members suggested that we consider the opportunity. But in group, there were some for and those against the idea.  We, thus, chose not to use the original company for that particular deal. Members agreed that we create another company that would take care of the new venture that we thought was riskier than what we had been doing.

Then Critical Mass Growth Investments (CMGI) Limited was formed. That new company became the vehicle for investing in more riskier investments,” Maina added.  After this, any new contributions, which were still weekly, became a capital injection to the businesses.   A confident Maina, shared how in 1999, the company made a great breakthrough in the real estate industry, which he says is a viable investment at the moment.

“The Norwich Union building in Nairobi’s Central Business District was up for sale and it was brought to our group meeting. At the time, the building was selling at Sh115 million but in our kitty, we had only a capital of about Sh70 million. The founders then decided to open a company that would take care of the real estate investments. And there, Norwich Union Properties (NUP) Limited was born.

But we had to borrow Sh45 million. Backed by the other companies that we owned, we managed to secure a loan from the bank. We now became the landlords of this building,” Maina said. Since then, Norwich Properties Ltd has continued to invest in real estate. In 2005, the now public company invested in Sh62 million Ratna Apartments in Lavington.

A year later, there arose an opportunity to buy a commercial building, which led to the group’s acquisition of the Sh66 million Libra House along Mombasa Road. The group bought another property in the same area at Sh250 million.  The story of NUP Ltd paints a picture of the essence of investment groups, a facility that Maina advises Kenyans to take seriously as an investment model.

Another group that is also using the same model shares their story   Established in 2007 Godly United Families Investments (GUFI) Company Ltd, which started off as a college group of friends who used to meet regularly, today owns several properties across the country with investments in real estate and pharmacies.   “The group was started in 2007 by ten couples who were friends in college.

The formation of the group was prompted by desire of the members to maintain fellowship with each other and also assist each family to grow economically. The condition for admission into the group was that at least the spouses be known to one of the couples in the group,” Dr Isaac Mugoya, the group’s chairman told Development Agenda. The group has, to date, maintained the same number of members.

Mugoya disclosed that the group is a registered member of Amalgamated Chama Limited (ACL) and owns shares worth Sh1.4 billion has purchased a piece of land through ACL worth Sh800,000, has Sh750,000 three acres of undeveloped land in Isinya and a pharmacy currently valued at Sh2.5 million.

Young Kenyan caddy’s heart opens to street children

Daily Nation

Mercy Njoki is 21 years old, but her biggest problem is not what she will wear to the next party. Rather, it is how much food her pocket money can buy for the scores of street children that she has taken under her wing.

One day in 2012, the third-year student at Kenyatta University of Technology was going home when she saw two street boys fighting over a loaf of bread at the Globe Cinema roundabout in Nairobi.

“One stabbed the other on the back with a broken bottle. I was horrified and touched, and wondered how many other children went without food for days, or even died fighting for it,” Mercy told the Nation last week.

She decided to do something about it and for the last two years, however, the student of Mass Communication has been using her pocket money to regularly buy food and clothing for more than 70 street children in Nairobi.

No, she does not come from a rich family. Neither does she have a high profile job or big business with a sizeable income. In fact, on weekends, she works as a caddy at the Muthaiga Golf Club, earning Sh1,000 for every day she spends in the greens pulling golf carts.

The money she gets from her job and what her mother gives her as pocket money is what she relies on to feed the boys and girls that, to many in Nairobi, are nothing short of a nightmare, an eyesore and a menace.

In the beginning, Mercy used to buy breakfast for about 40 street children once week. She would gather them at a food kiosk near the Globe Cinema roundabout where a cup of tea and a chapati cost Sh50. The treat would cost her about Sh2,000 each week, a considerable sum for a person who depended on her mother for pocket money.

When she did not have money, Mercy would pack leftovers from her roommates and take it to the children.

“Most of the girls (in her hostel) don’t finish the bread and chapatis we are served, so I usually pack what remains in paper bags and take it to the children,” she said.
Recently, she bought one of the street boys a pushcart, which he now uses to transport luggage around the city for a fee.

“When I am able to, I help those who show a keen interest to start income generating activities,” she says, living the Chinese adage that it’s better to show someone how to fish rather than keep giving them fish.

Not long ago, she even loaned Sh4,500 to a street boy who was always telling her how he was keen to start a business and embark on the road to self-reliance.

The agreement between them was that she would hand over a portion of her savings to him on condition that he would pay back Sh500 every week. So far, the young man has… repaid Sh1,000.

Foster homes

Mercy has also placed 10 children in foster homes in Mathare and Huruma.

One of her biggest challenges, she says, is when one of her “adopted” children falls sick or dies.
“I cannot afford to take them to hospital,” she said.

Some time back, she had to organise transport for the body of an eight-year-old boy who died in the city and was to be buried in his rural home in Murang’a County.

“His street family had no money to bury him. The only option left was to transport his body back home, yet they had no money for that as well,” Mercy said.

With the help of friends, Mercy raised enough money to send the boy’s body back home for his relatives to give him the final send-off.
What does she think about drug abuse by street families?

Drugs, she said, help them to cope with their miserable existence, and unless they are taken off the streets and given expert help, it would be difficult to get them to quit.

Last week, the Nation team joined Mercy when she went to give her charges a hot lunch of rice and bean stew that she had bought at Ngara Market for Sh3,500. She also gave them clothes, shoes and beddings, all donated by her friends.

“The youngest is only four months old. She did not have any clothes or blankets when I met her, but now she has enough warm clothes,” Mercy said, pleased by the impact of the simple gesture.

Day I hosted Uhuru and Ruto for lunch in my humble home

Daily Nation

Kajiado County politician Musa Nteri Kapaika is a man who lives within his means. And so when Kajiado West MP Moses ole Sakuda informed him that he would host Very Very Important Persons for nyama choma in two or three days, he took it in his stride. So much so, he says, that he resisted every urge to buy any new utensils.

Mr Kapaika never knew who his guests were, although he says he had a feeling that they were no ordinary people. And so it was on Tuesday when President Uhuru Kenyatta was returning from state duties in Arusha, Tanzania, that he and his deputy William Ruto stopped over for lunch at Mr Kapaika’s home.

And while most of us would have turned the house up-side down and spared no shilling to make the presidential duo comfortable, Mr Kapaika chose to serve them food on the same utensils his family uses every day. Even the meal was what he would ordinarily prepare for any other special guest.

But the visit, he says, pleasantly surprised him and left him with memories he will keep forever.

He is a member of the Kajiado County Assembly representing Purko Ward, but for a moment he admits to getting a feeling that he was elevated beyond this level.

“It is not everyday that a president and his deputy decide to pay an ordinary man like me a visit. I felt humbled and this is a day that will forever be inscribed in my memory and even that of my family,” he says.

“How often do people host a president? It is rare because even during campaigns, you hardly see personalities of this calibre having a meal in such an open place,” said Mr Kapaika, who also played host to Mr Ruto in 2012.

The 53-year-old father of 18 and husband to two was elected to the Kajiado County Assembly on a URP ticket.

There were no sparkling silverware, chefs or waiters in starched uniform, just a table laid out for the President and his deputy. In the pictures, the President is seen drinking soup from a metallic mug – similar to the ones commonly used in many rural homes across the country – and which had clearly seen better days.

“We do not have glasses or special cups and I was not going to scratch my head so much over this. It was not a show-off and I believe what was important was the cleanliness of the plates and cups.

At some point, there were suggestions that we send for better cups in the shop but I declined,” he says. He’s happy and satisfied that the President and his deputy enjoyed their meal.

“The metallic cups are what we had for soup. We were not going to buy new utensils just because they were coming. We wanted to be ourselves,” he says.

The food — nyama choma, soup and rice — was prepared by elders and not women.

Kapika told Lifestyle that in Maasai culture this signified the importance they attached to the visit. There were a handful of presidential aides overseeing the process as part of security protocol but the actual preparation was done by the elders.

And they did it like they’ve always done. The meat was roasted over an open fire. They also prepared special soup.

“The soup was made from goat ribs and tongue with some herbs such as orkonyil, osanangururi and oloirien. These are common ingredients that accompany nyama choma. This made it a proper Maasai meal,” he said.

“The herbs improve digestion and kill any germs that might be present in food,” he said.

Some 14 goats and five cows were slaughtered for the presidential feast that many residents from near and far enjoyed after the VVIP guests had left.

While preparing, he only had sparse information.

“As much as I could guess that some key leaders in the country were coming, I never imagined that both President Kenyatta and his deputy would be here. It is such an honour,” he said.

MP Sakuda, who is the President’s point man in the region, says he had information as early as Friday that the Head of State would be paying them a visit.

“On the request of elders, we had the confirmation by Friday that the president his deputy would be having lunch with us,” he said. “Knowing that a traditional feast awaited him here, he skipped lunch prepared for him by the East African Legislative Assembly in Arusha.”

He says  Mr Kapika’s virtues in the community made him the obvious choice of hosting the VVIPs.

“We chose Mr Kapaika’s home because of his reputation as well as the close proximity of his home from the road. In the interest of time, we did not want the two leaders to travel into the interior parts of the county,” said Mr Sakuda.

Nicknamed “Mbuyu” by his children, a name that even the President referred to him by,  Mr Kapaika says one does not need to be very wealthy to be a blessing to others. He says that although he is not educated, he has reaped the fruits of humility in life.

“In the President’s case, I cannot say I was  a blessing to them because they can afford their lunch anywhere, but I believe that we can always bring a smile to our friends and neighbours who may not afford the kind of things we are blessed with,” he said.

When Lifestyle met him in Nairobi after the presidential visit, he refused to come to our offices for an interview, neither would he listen to our plea that a hotel or restaurant would do.

His reason? “Why should I come to your office or a hotel when my daughter has an office in this town? Let us meet there.”

He was referring to his niece Dorothy Mashipei who is the director in charge of policy communication at the Deputy President’s office.

On arrival, he greeted Ms Mashipei but not with a handshake. Instead, she leaned towards him and he laid his hands on her head.

“This is how elders greet children. Her level of education does not matter, her age matters,” he said.

Ms Mashipei described her uncle as a father figure in their family. She says he is always humble and also very influential in Kajiado politics.

“He is kind and most of us have benefited from that. Unknown to many, he is like a kingmaker in Kajiado politics, especially in the constituency,” she said.

Mr Kapaika described the atmosphere at his home as relaxed.

“We love visitors so much. No-one would harm the two gentlemen. The usual rigid protocol was abandoned for the 30 minutes they were at my home. The only notable activity by the bodyguards was when a few of them came close to the fire place to see how the elders were preparing the food,” he told Lifestyle.

“They occasionally helped with the cooking but it is the elders who had the say on what was going on,” he added

Since the visit, he said, he has been receiving many visitors who are mostly locals who want to know what he did to catch the President’s eye.

“I have no answer because if it is being a committed URP member, there are many members I know who qualify more than I do. I see it as a favour bestowed on me by the two leaders and I am grateful for it,” he says

He describes the presidential duo as humble.

“I have never seen such people. One would expect them to wield power given their high office but instead they have chosen not to. They freely interact with people from all walks of life,” he says.

Confessions of a Kenyan killer gangster

Seated in a cold, damp prison cell that has been his home for the past one year, Mickey (not his real name) stares at the ceiling in supplication to God, whom he has repeatedly offended to a point he seems unsure he can be forgiven any more. For the one year he has been at Kamiti Maximum Prison, police have agonised on exactly what charges to prefer against him.

They suspect his involvement in over a dozen capital crimes, ranging from murder, armed robbery to car-jackings, but they are yet to pin him down on any. When police arrested him last year, there was great jubilation at the city’s Jericho/Lumumba estate where he grew up. Everybody in the estate – including school children – knew him as a criminal on the run. But nobody dared report him to police for fear of reprisals.

Indeed, even on the day of his arrest residents celebrated but only in muted tones. His own mother didn’t need to be told that her son was a criminal. She saw it live when one day, three years ago, Mickey, in the company of two others, whipped out a pistol outside a crowded supermarket in Buru Buru estate where they stole a car and drove off in broad-day light. Had there been a shoot-out, Mickey’s mother and aunt would have been caught in the crossfire.

Apparently, Mickey was not aware of the presence of his next of kin at the supermarket. But in this candid but secret interview, Mickey says he has now quit crime for good. He says: “I have had enough of it. If I ever leave this place alive, I will enrol at a theology school and become a preacher. My days in crime are over.” Is he worried that he may actually be charged with a capital offence and sentenced to hang? “Not at all”, he says.

“I have resigned my fate to God. “If they find me guilty and sentence me to die, I will go to meet my maker a reformed man. I have since made my peace with God.” So why not co-operate and willingly give a confession to the police? “Well, they say they have evidence to convict me. They should go ahead and do so. If they table before court evidence I know to be true, I will just accept it and leave my fate to the court.”

And is he ready to confess and seek forgiveness from the many he tormented in his 16 years of gangsterism? “If and when I come out of this place, I will seek them out one by one and make a confession. The tricky part is that some may not be available as I killed them.” Mickey says he was recruited into crime by the most-wanted criminal who police gunned down a few years ago, Edward Shimoli, who was his neighbour in the city’s Jericho/Lumumba estate.

He says he ended up in the world of crime following a troubled childhood as well as growing up in the crime-prone Eastlands area. He says: “The moment a child lacks parental care, love and attention, crime is the next likely destination. In my own case, I grew up in poverty and had parents who didn’t care much about the welfare of their children. I had to fend for myself and for my kid brother at a very tender age.”

But what finally made him choose crime as a career 14 years ago, he says, was when his brother was shot dead by police on suspicion that he was a criminal. “When they killed my brother who I believe was innocent, I told myself that I must avenge his death by killing a policeman. Later, I found myself having to kill other people who may have been as innocent as my felled brother.” He stops short of giving the number of people he has killed – including policemen – and only says: “I have blood of several people on my hands but have asked God to forgive me.” Mickey implicates police as accomplices in crime.

“People expect policemen to be as clean as angels. Unfortunately many are comrades in crime. I know so many serving policemen who work with criminals with whom they share the spoils. Personally, I had several policemen in my payroll. They would tip me on where and when to strike. Twice they also helped in destroying evidence after I had been arrested.” Could the same be the reason why police haven’t charged him one year after his arrest?

“No, this time I am entirely on my own.” Mickey says he had planned to quit crime after building for himself two houses and setting up a business for one of his many girlfriends in Dandora estate. He talks about a “godfather” who is still at large and the mastermind from whom he took directions during his days in crime. “Our godfather lived in Jericho/Lumumba estate at a place called Bel Air. That is where I met and made friends with my “mentor” Edward Shimoli, aka “Edu” and other toughies like Jack Silver and another one we called “Last Born”.”

Mickey says he had “employed” an assistant by the name Todi, who he occasionally assigned to commit crime on his behalf. As if to confirm that there is honour even among thieves, Mickey’s assistant would faithfully hand over to him all he got during his assignments and wait to be given his share by the boss. “He had taken an oath that he wouldn’t keep even a penny from the robberies he staged.

He would hand in everything to me and wait for a “salary” which I faithfully paid him at end month. I had also set aside money for his expenditure while on a mission, besides keeping aside another lumpsum to bail him out in case he got into trouble.” And suppose his assistant decided to be clever and steal from him? “He wouldn’t dare. He had taken an oath to be faithful and never to betray me. If he breached the oath, he knew too well that he would be dead the very same day.”

He says short-changing or betraying a fellow gangster is punishable by “a very painful death. There are no two ways about it.” And how did he get the guns he used to commit crime with? “There is nothing you cannot get in Jericho estate. Whereas there are many adults who have never touched a gun with their own hands, in Jericho children as young as seven know how to handle a gun. We even used primary school children to hide weapons in their desks where police would hardly suspect anything.”

LIVERPOOL EASE TO THE TOP

Liverpool climbed back to the top of the Premier League table as they comfortably dispatched of Tottenham 4-0 at Anfield.

Brendan Rodgers' side eighth successive Premier League win was barely in doubt as they dominated proceedings from start to finish.

They were gifted the lead just two-minutes in when Glen Johnson fired a cross into the six-yard box and Younes Kaboul could only back-heel the ball past Hugo Lloris into his own goal.

Kaboul endured something of a nightmare first-half which culminated in Luis Suarez latching onto his miscontrol just before the break and finishing with a crisp left-footed strike past Lloris.

Indeed had it not been for Lloris' brilliance on the stroke of half-time to deny Suarez with header, it could and should have been 3-0.

A blocked Christian Eriksen effort and a Roberto Soldado shot aside, Spurs showed very little in Liverpool's last third and it was the same story after the break.

Jordan Henderson should have scored early in the second period as he blasted over after good work from Raheem Sterling but the Kopites did not have long to wait for a third.

Fed by Jon Flanagan, Philippe Coutinho carried the ball to the edge of the Spurs box before clinically firing into the bottom corner.

The fourth duly arrived with 15-minutes remaining, with Henderson getting his name on the score-sheet after his in-swinging free-kick went through a crowd and straight in, completing a resounding and thoroughly deserved win which takes Liverpool two points clear of Chelsea and four of third placed Manchester City.

It is the first time since Christmas that they have been at the summit, and the last four teams who occupied that position on December 25 went on to win the title and the prospect of a first title for 24 years is now closer than a speck on the horizon it has been for a couple of decades.

As has been so often the case this season, especially at home, Liverpool's start was explosive.

Just 100 seconds had elapsed from kick-off when they went ahead with a slick move which ended with Kaboul putting into his own net.

Coutinho sprayed the ball out to Sterling, back in the starting line-up for the first time in three matches, and overlapping full-back Johnson drilled in a cross from which, had Kaboul not done the honours, Daniel Sturridge would have cleaned up from close range.

Suarez, after two crosses from either flanks which first saw the ball sail marginally over the head of the waiting Sturridge and then drilled narrowly wide by Coutinho's volley, whipped a 25-yard free-kick over before producing a sublime strike for his 29th of the season.

Suarez nipped in ahead of Kaboul, skipped past the defender and drilled an angled shot across Lloris and inside the far post - into the only spot the goalkeeper could be beaten.

In doing so, he eclipsed Robbie Fowler's record of goals in a Premier League season with the promise of plenty more to come before the end of the campaign.

Tottenham saw so little of the ball their chances were sporadic at best, and, when Eriksen did find space in the area, Martin Skrtel threw his body in the way and Gylfi Sigurdsson's follow-up header was saved by Simon Mignolet.

Kaboul's day continued its downward spiral when he was robbed by Sterling, who crossed to the back post, where Suarez's header was clawed onto the crossbar by Lloris and hooked clear by Nabil Bentaleb.

Any chance Spurs had of rescuing the situation had to come from the next goal, but they were not given the remotest chance as, after Jordan Henderson ballooned over a cut-back from Sterling, Coutinho made the result safe.

Flanagan offloaded to Coutinho in midfield and he advanced to the edge of the box before unleashing a low shot from 25 yards which easily beat Lloris for just his fourth goal of the season and sealed Liverpool's place at the top of the table.

13 Ways You Know You’re Dating A High-Quality Woman

MAR. 25, 2014

By CHRISSY STOCK

Forgetting Sarah Marshall

1. She encourages you to pursue your goals, but she doesn’t micromanage. She trusts you to make the right decisions in your own life. She’s the cheerleader, not the coach.

2. She doesn’t try to make you jealous. She’s secure in her worth, and your ability to recognize how valuable she is. She doesn’t need to play games to “trick” you into seeing her her for what she is.

Related Thought

13 Ways You Know You're Dating A Grown-Ass Man

1. You know where you stand.

3. She doesn’t have a princess complex. She demands that you treat her with respect — but because she is a person you love, not because she is a woman and therefore magically entitled to something. Just as she would expect you to treat your friends and family with respect, she knows you wouldn’t treat her any other way. A high-quality woman wouldn’t be with a man who was disrespectful to the people he is close to in life.

4. She has a part of her life that doesn’t involve you. Friends, hobbies, career — whatever. She’s confident and independent enough to not need your involvement in everything she does.

5. You wouldn’t think twice about inviting her into different parts of your life: a barbecue with your college friends, a dinner with your parents, a fancy work party — she knows how to handle herself in different settings. She’s mature enough to make a good impression with your colleagues and wise enough to know letting loose with your friends and having fun doesn’t mean she’s immature.

6. She takes care of herself. This doesn’t mean she is perfect, it means she is always improving. You don’t have to tell her she needs to solve a problem in her life. She’s self-aware and sees what issues she has and is self-motivated enough to constantly be working to improve them. She needs a partner, not a dad.

7. When she is in a situation where she doesn’t know people, she introduces herself confidently. She doesn’t cling meekly to your side waiting for you to facilitate every social interaction.

8. A reasonable, non-hyper-conservative employer could look at her social media presence and hire her.

9. She isn’t shy about sex. If she doesn’t want to do something, she can articulate why instead of just saying “ew”. Your sex life with her isn’t a shady secret she feels uncomfortable talking about, it’s adult and healthy and you both work to keep the flame alive.

Related Thought

You Should Date A Girl Who's A Basic Bitch

She is the girl who will open you up to new cultures as she explains what her Chinese wrist tattoo means.

10. She has opinions more than “idk” and she can talk calmly and non-hyperbolically about them. If she disagrees with you, you can have a conversation about it without anyone raising their voice.

11. She would never joke with her friends or family (or worse, your friends or family) about how men are “stupid” or childish, or whatever “happy wife happy life” mantra you’ve heard women use to put down the partners they love.

12. She knows what she wants in life. She doesn’t change her values or goals to tailor fit the guy she is with.

13. You feel lucky to be dating her because you know she would never date anyone just to date them. She isn’t afraid to be single and she is self-sufficient. You know she is dating you because she’s attracted to you and she thinks that you will help each other grow to be even higher quality, together. 

In a relationship,

1. Submission wins the day:

Submission doesn’t mean you become a slave. It’s doesn’t mean that you are a property. Submission means you understand your place in the relationship or marriage as a woman. Submission refers to an act or attitude of cooperation and support. It’s a voluntary act of sharing a burden, acting like a team player and being there for your man. 

2.Don’t have unrealistic expectation about your man.Your man probably will never be Brad Pitt – so get over it. He probably will never break any record be it in academics, career or otherwise – get over it. Know and understand your man’s strengths, weaknesses, limits, interests, passion, dreams, dislikes and expectations. Stop trying to transform him into something or someone he will never be. Be realistic – understand that he can’t fly you to a coastal destination every month, he can’t make love to you constantly for seven hours, he can’t be all tall, dark and handsome, he can’t have the biceps of a body builder. Be realistic with your man. He's just human; or you ship out. 

3. Be lovingly honest: It doesn’t matter how beautiful and attractive you are – that man will leave you if you keep nagging, being a know it all or trying to control him. Give your man a benefit of doubt. So, he messed up, he lied, he cheated, he forgot to bring home bread and milk, he forgot your anniversary – he’s human – get over it. Remember you can always have a mature conversation with your man without scolding, domineering, alternatively shape up or ship out. 

4. Respect your man: Nothing turns a man off like a disrespectful woman.Respect is a feeling of admiring someone or something that is good, valuable and important. You may not necessarily agree on everything with your man, but respect his decision. He may not necessarily turn out to be Prince Charming whom you dreamt about since you were 2 months old, but the fact that you voluntarily decided to be with him, the least you can do is respect him.

5. Encourage your man: nothing lifts up a man’s spirit, determination and resolve like an encouragement from his woman. If you want to see your true and real man, encourage him. Something boils up inside a man and stirs his spirit when his woman encourages him.

6. Keep your extended families at bay. Oh yes, they can be and are known to be toxic. Remember you got married to your man not his family neither is he and extended part of your family. In laws can be scornful; keep them out of your marriage or relationship. In the end if the day; they too have their own homes.